Of Rainy Days and Board Games
by ShadowSilk
Summary: [Crackfic] Tobi is horrified to learn that Uchiha Itachi has never played a board game. In his eyes, such a thing is unheard of. Much to Itachi's chagrin, Tobi vows to teach him all about such seemingly frivolous pursuits. Friendship. [Oneshot.]


**Author's Note:** Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto or any of the board games mentioned in this fic.

**Pairings**: Itachi x Tobi friendship

* * *

_Drip…drip…_

Itachi slowly extended one arm, mechanically flipping the page.

_Drip…drip…_

His head was slightly bowed as he scanned the pages with scarlet eyes. A droplet of water plummeted from the moist ceiling and landed upon the paper, spreading across the ink in a darkening smear.

_Drip…_

Itachi closed his eyes and shut the book.

_Drip…_

"It's raining."

He was soon past the living room and up the stairs, taking quick, precise steps. Briskly pacing down a long corridor, Itachi found himself standing before a large ornate door. He lightly rapped his knuckles on the dark wood.

"Leader."

Silence.

"Leader."

Itachi could hear raspy coughing beyond the door. He pushed on the wood, entering quietly.

"Leader, it's raining."

The Akatsuki leader was wrapped in a cocoon of blankets, huddled in a large armchair. A silver thermometer was protruding out of his mouth. Konan stood over him, arms crossed, tapping her foot impatiently as she scrutinized the rising red liquid.

"I have a mission to complete." Itachi stared at him. "Make the rain stop."

He was met with a heavy silence. Itachi began to speak once more.

"I cannot intercept the missing-nin you specified in that report. His route will probably change due to the weather. It would be impossible to find him unless the rain is stopped."

Pein looked up at Itachi. His eyes were puffy and red. He coughed.

"I'b sick."

Itachi was unemotional.

"I cannot complete my mission in this weather," he said.

Konan stared at the Uchiha, her heavy-lidded eyes narrowed and dangerous.

"Pein is unwell. A thunderstorm is automatically created by his chakra during times of sickness, acting as a defense mechanism," she said. "As long as his immune system is fighting, this weather will continue."

Pein sneezed.

Konan turned her head towards the window. "The thunder should begin soon."

"My mission," Itachi ignored her, "was assigned to me by the leader. This man I must intercept is said to possess information on all the jinchuuriki. Therefore, it is very important that—"

A pale hand snaked out of the pile of blankets. Pein gestured for Itachi to leave.

"Your mission is cancelled," he commanded. His voice was hoarse. "Take the day off. Zetsu is tracking another lead at the moment. He left a couple of hours earlier. We'll just use the information he gathers today and track your man some other time."

Itachi regarded him coldly.

"But Akatsuki—"

"_Out_," Konan ordered. She pointed at the door, sending a flurry of paper flying in its direction. "The leader has made his decision. _Take the day off, Itachi_."

Silently, Itachi turned and headed out the door. The door clicked shut behind him.

Konan turned towards her patient, holding out one hand.

"Thermometer."

Pein gingerly extracted the thermometer, but suddenly gasped and dropped it. It landed in the thick carpeting, nestled among stacks of bingo books and empty tissue boxes.

"Konan," Pein said urgently. "I need a tissue." He clamped his hands over his face.

The blue-haired woman suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. She extended her arm and pulled a thin sheet of paper from her skin.

"There."

Pein took it gratefully and blew his nose rather noisily. He held out the tissue.

"Thank you."

Konan sighed, plucking it distastefully from his outstretched hand.

* * *

Itachi resumed his reading. He sat at the breakfast table, eyes following the small, neat rows of writing. 

_Drip…drip…_

Water splattered across the paper, distorting the sentence Itachi was trying to read. A cold droplet landed on his forehead.

Itachi moved his chair to the right, sliding his book over the grainy table. He grimaced, glancing upwards at the moist ceiling. The water slowly dripped a foot away from his book, collecting in a small puddle.

The Uchiha sat in silence, tracing the words upon the paper with crimson eyes.

"ITACHI-SAN!"

He warily looked up to find Tobi hurtling down the stairs. He was carrying a large, dusty box in his arms.

"Itachi-san! I just found a—"

Itachi lowered his head, focusing on the open book lying before him.

"Tobi," he said in a voice slightly tinged with warning, "I am occupied at the moment. Bother someone else."

"But everyone's gone!" Tobi said. "Zetsu-san left for a mission earlier and everyone else is out grocery shopping!" He frowned behind his mask. "They must be stuck in the grocery store. It's raining _really, really hard_!"

"Hn." Itachi flipped the page, ignoring the eager shinobi.

Tobi stood behind Itachi, craning his neck to see. "Whatcha reading, Itachi-san?"

Itachi glanced at Tobi, who was staring at him eagerly.

"The dictionary," Itachi said tonelessly.

He returned to his reading. "Leave."

"Oh," Tobi said. He was crestfallen. "When you're done, will you play this game with me?"

Itachi ignored him. Tobi shuffled out of the room, hanging his head in disappointment.

Overhead, the lights were flickering. A low rumbling resounded outside, ominous and gloomy.

_Drip…drip…_

Hissing exasperatedly, Itachi turned his head and found water spread all over the table, inching towards his book. Another water droplet plunged from the ceiling.

_Drip…_

He closed his book shut and rubbed his temples. It would be impossible to read with that annoying leak in the roof. Itachi stood up, pushing in his chair. He would just have to lock himself in his room to get away from all of these distractions, even though the heat was still broken in his quarters.

He would rather freeze than endure this nonsense any longer. Itachi took a step forward, lifting his book off the table.

There was a sudden flash of light, then everything went dark.

It took a minute for Itachi's eyes to get used to the darkness. When he could somewhat see, he walked over to the kitchen and pulled a candlestick from one of the cabinets. He blew a small puff of fire upon the wick, igniting the candle.

Holding the book in the crook of his arm and gripping the candlestick with his other hand, Itachi slowly made his way towards the staircase. He blinked rapidly. Even though the candle helped, the lack of light was putting serious strain on his eyes. The candle's orange glow did not carry very far—it faded into the darkness after traveling but a few inches.

The stairs creaked unwelcomingly beneath his feet. As Itachi ascended up the steps, he could hear the rain pounding into the roof. He was at the top of the stairs, taking a right towards Pein's room. From the window at the end of the hallway, Itachi could see angry slashes of lightning coursing through the inky sky.

Konan looked up as the bedroom door swung open and Itachi entered.

"The power's out," he said coldly.

"_Be quiet_," Konan hissed. She pointed at Pein, who was slumped in his armchair, blankets tucked around his flushed face. His eyes were closed and his lips were moving slightly. He was talking in his sleep.

"He finally fell asleep," she said icily. "Pein is recuperating at the moment. _Leave_."

Itachi gave her a small smirk before he turned around and headed out the door.

* * *

Hidan grabbed the terrified cashier by the collar. He shook him angrily. 

"What do you mean we can't leave?" he shouted. "I'll leave whenever I goddamn feel like it, you son of a bitch!"

Deidara sat upon a large display of watermelons, his heels idly swinging over the side.

"Hey, leave him alone, un," Deidara called out. "He's right. There's a really bad storm out there, un."

Hidan faced Deidara, his eyebrows low. His hands were still clasped around the cashier's neck. The man was gasping for air.

"Go to hell, heathen!"

Deidara stuck his tongue out at him.

"Get off the watermelon display, Deidara," Kakuzu ordered. "And you, Hidan. Let go of the man. If you damage their merchandise, we won't be able to replace it." He glared at the choking cashier. "We _can't afford_ to spend any more money here."

Deidara gave a gruff _un_ and hopped down.

Disgustedly, Hidan let go of the man. The cashier scrambled to the back of the store, taking refuge in the produce aisle.

"_Bastard_," Hidan spat, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"We'll stay here until the storm's over," Kakuzu said, crossing his arms.

Kisame, who had been standing with his face pressed against the window, turned around and scoffed at his fellow Akatsuki members.

"_Weaklings_," he chuckled. "Are you all afraid of a little water?"

"Shut up, fish boy," Hidan retorted.

"_Shark_!" Kisame shouted angrily.

Hidan rolled his eyes.

"Shark, fish, same thing."

"No!" Kisame insisted. "There is _a very large difference, you ignorant mammal_!"

"This is boring, un," Deidara complained, interrupting Kisame and Hidan's argument.

"Then ask Tobi to tell you a joke," Kakuzu replied gruffly. He turned away and gazed out the large glass window. The sky was pitch-black, periodically illuminated by a sudden streak of white lightening. Hail and rain were pounding down, crashing as they collided with the earth, intertwining with the violent wind.

Deidara looked quizzically at Kakuzu.

"Hey, where _is _Tobi, un?"

* * *

Itachi sat in his unpleasantly chilly room, his book propped up on his desk. Set carefully in the corner of the room, the candle was flickering steadily, throwing a warm glow over the slightly rumpled paper. He exhaled. He could see his breath, cascading from his lips and dissipating in the air. 

"What are you doing?"

Itachi whirled around, drawing out a kunai.

It was Tobi.

"Tobi," Itachi said. He closed his book and stared at the shinobi with his unnerving eyes. "_Get out of my room._"

"But Itachi-san! This is _really, really_ important!" Tobi insisted, holding out a dusty box. "Will you play a board game with me?"

Itachi looked at the box in disdain. As Tobi moved the box, he could hear something rattling inside. A thick layer of dust lay atop its surface. He could just barely make out the word _Monopoly_ printed in fancy lettering.

"What is it?" he said dully.

Tobi gasped. He dropped the box, clapping his palms on either side of his face.

"_You've never played a board game_, _Itachi-san_?" he asked incredulously. His voice was shaking.

Itachi looked at him. Tobi was staring back, horrified. It was somewhat unsettling.

"No."

Tobi let out a loud cry.

"Oh Itachi-san! You _poor, deprived soul!_" he gasped. His eyes were filling up with tears. "_Never…played a board game_?!"

Cautiously, Itachi slowly shook his head.

His eyes widened as Tobi suddenly grabbed his wrist and began pulling him towards the door.

"_Tobi_. Unhand me. Now."

"Oh, Itachi-san! We have to start _now_!" the masked man cried. "I promise, I'll teach you _everything I know _about board games!" His voice rang out, determined and confident. "_I promise, Itachi-san_!"

"Tobi—"

Before he could finish his sentence, Itachi was dragged all the way down to the living room.

* * *

Itachi and Tobi sat on either side of the square Monopoly board. Glowing lanterns encircled the room, casting a comforting glow. Through the cracks in the curtains, lightning would occasionally illuminate the darkness, casting snaking shadows upon the carpeting. 

"This," Tobi said dramatically, "is your Monopoly board."

Itachi was unimpressed.

"I don't see what entertainment a cardboard square provides," he said, glancing down at the board.

"Oh, Itachi-san!" Tobi was positively glowing with excitement. "It's the most fun thing _ever!_"

Itachi was doubtful.

"So we each pick a piece to represent ourselves," Tobi explained, holding out a small array of metal figurines. "Here, Itachi-san. Which one do you want to choose?"

Itachi hesitantly viewed the small pieces.

"The iron," he said, his eyes fixed on the metal figurine.

"All righty!" Tobi cheerfully dropped the piece into Itachi's hand. "I'll be the shoe!"

Itachi glanced at the metal shoe.

"A shoe is weaker than an iron," he said. "An iron can cause harm with its heat. A shoe cannot cause any harm whatsoever. This iron can defeat a shoe if engaged in battle." He tipped over Tobi's figurine with one finger. "Therefore, I have already won the game."

"Itachi-san, that's not really how—"

The Uchiha set down his game piece.

"I did not find the game very amusing."

"But, Itachi-san—"

"Even winning was not particularly exciting."

"Itachi-san!"

"_What is it_, Tobi?"

"That's not really how you play."

Itachi stared at Tobi, his eyes hardening.

"What do you mean?"

* * *

"Sorry, Itachi-san," Tobi said apologetically. "But you have to pay me again. You just landed on my property." 

Hissing angrily, Itachi handed over a fistful of paper bills.

"And it has a hotel on it."

Itachi looked at the ground.

"I don't have any money left."

Tobi gasped. "That means Tobi wins—_Tobi's never won before_!"

Itachi silently looked away.

Tobi got up and began to dance. "Oh, Itachi-san! Tobi's so happy!"

Itachi was staring at the board, his face stony and impassive.

The plucky nin stopped dancing and tilted his head, regarding Itachi with a worried look.

"Itachi-san? Are you all right?"

"An Uchiha never loses," he said flatly.

"What do you mean, Itachi-san?"

"I. Never. Lose."

"Itachi-san? What are you—"

Tobi watched with wide eyes as the tomoe in Itachi's eyes merging together.

"Itachi-san…?"

Itachi was glaring at the Monopoly board, his eyes full of fury.

"_Amaterasu!_"

* * *

After Tobi had run screaming into the kitchen to get a fire extinguisher, and Itachi had grudgingly sealed the flames into a scroll, and Tobi had tearfully disposed of his ravaged Monopoly board, and Konan had run downstairs to yell at them about disturbing Pein's sleep, Tobi decided to teach Itachi about a different, less complicated, board game. 

"Here, Itachi-san!" Tobi said cheerfully, bringing out another rectangular box. "I think you'll be really good at this game!"

Itachi stared at him unemotionally.

"Hn."

"This is Scrabble!" Tobi announced, flipping open the box. "You know a lot about words, Itachi-san! I'm sure that you'll do great!"

Itachi glanced at the assortment of wooden pieces.

"Hn."

"Alrighty, Itachi-san! So here are your tiles…"

* * *

Outside, a light rain was falling, spotting the earth with its cooling touch. The hail and thunder had finally ended. The storm was over. 

Kakuzu, Deidara, Hidan, and Kisame were standing outside of the Akatsuki hideout, huddled around the door.

"Ah, shit," Hidan muttered, patting his pockets. "I don't have the key."

Kakuzu glared at him.

"_You lost it_?"

"Hey, shut up, tentacle-face," he shouted. "I _misplaced_ it."

As Kakuzu began to mumble about replacement costs and Hidan began to shout at him for worshipping false idols, Kisame stared longingly at the rain.

"The rain's subsiding," he said sadly.

Deidara dug around in his clay pouch. After a few moments, he held out his hand. His mouth hand spat out a white clay key.

"There," he said, satisfied.

Kakuzu set down the soaked paper bag of groceries and took the slightly damp key. He inserted it into the heavy brass lock and twisted the key. The door fell open softly, inviting the Akatsuki members to come inside.

Upon entering, they were met with a most unusual sight.

* * *

Tobi and Itachi looked up as the front door creaked open. 

"Heeeeello, everyone!" Tobi greeted them cheerfully, waving one hand. "How was the grocery store?"

He was met with four pairs of widened eyes.

The soggy bag of groceries fell to the floor, contents spilling out upon the tile.

"What," Hidan said, rather bluntly, "the _hell_?"

Deidara blinked.

Kakuzu stood frozen in place with complete disregard of the spilled bag of expensive groceries.

"Itachi," Kisame began, uncertain, "what are you…what are you _doing_?"

Itachi stared at him blankly.

"Playing a board game," he answered simply. He set down a wooden tile on the board.

"_Retina_," Itachi said, pointing at the word he had just formed. "I have used all of my tiles." He glanced at the empty tile bag. "There are no letters remaining in the bag."

Tobi gasped, looking at the board, his own tile rack, then back at Itachi.

"Itachi-san," he said in awe. "You've _won_!"

A hint of a smile played at Itachi's lips.

"Hn."

All of a sudden, the lights flickered to life, illuminating the dark and dusty room. Tobi began to clap excitedly.

"The power's back on!" he announced happily.

Itachi suddenly spoke.

"Let's play another board game."

* * *

Epilogue

Pein hobbled downstairs to find all the members of his criminal organization congregated around a rectangular board game.

"_Luxury tax_?!" Kakuzu was shouting, upon setting his piece—a metal sack of money—upon the square. "What kind of nonsense is this?!"

Grudgingly, he flung a few paper bills at Itachi, the banker, who neatly tucked the sheets into a meticulous stack. Kakuzu protectively clutched his remaining pile of money close to his chest.

"What is going on here?"

The Akatsuki members turned around, startled. Pein was standing at the bottom of the staircase, wrapped in a faded fuzzy robe.

"We're playing Monopoly!" Tobi announced cheerfully. "I found a new board in the basement! Want to play?"

His fellow associates watched Pein intently, anticipating the imminent punishment for ignoring their duties. The air was thick, heavy with apprehension.

Pein was silent. He looked thoughtful.

"Yes, I do."

He was met with a plethora of shocked faces, save for Itachi's perpetually stoic expression and Tobi's look of sheer delight.

"Alrighty, Leader-sama!" Tobi exclaimed. He dropped a small metal figurine into Pein's hand. The Akatsuki leader brought it closer to his face for inspection. It was a top hat.

"Here's your money," Itachi said unemotionally, holding out a stack of paper bills. Tobi beamed proudly.

He had completed his goal. He had taught his friend all about board games.

And Itachi looked a little bit happier.

To Tobi, all the mishaps, all the hardships accompanying such a task…

They were worth it.

"Thank you," Pein said, taking the fake money. He gave his followers an exhausted half smile.

"It's nice to take a break," he remarked, surprising the Akatsuki members. Pein glanced at the direction of the window. There was a row of unlit lanterns, creating a short skyline against the sky. It was clear of all clouds, tinges of nightfall blotting the corners. "My fever broke about an hour ago."

"An hour ago, Leader-sama?" Kisame asked, rolling the dice. "Why didn't you come down earlier?"

Pein sighed. "Well, it seems that—"

He was interrupted by someone thundering down the stairs.

"_Pein_!"

All of the members turned their heads to see Konan standing there, her nose bright red and sheets of paper peeling from her hair and skin.

"_We're out of cough medicine_!" she hissed accusingly. "_I thought you got more_!"

Hidan glanced at the forgotten bag of groceries, soggy and limp, spread all across the foyer floor. They were ruined.

"_Shit_," he muttered.

"Apparently," Pein said quietly, "her body puts up a defense mechanism similar to mine during times of sickness and—"

A sudden gust began to rage within the living room.

"What's happening, un?!" shouted Deidara.

"Nooo!" Kakuzu cried, lunging for his pile of paper money. "My _money_!"

"It's the wrath of Jashin!" Hidan yelled, clutching his rosary. "Quick, everybody on their knees, godammit!"

Tobi squealed as his brand new Monopoly board was soaring through the air, dancing just out of his reach.

"My _Monopoly board_!"

Itachi sat there, watching as random objects were swept up into the heavy wind.

Kisame soon found himself sprawled across the ground, having been hit by an airborne armchair.

Paper began to accumulate and fly around the room, sheets appearing exponentially, creating a thick wall of paper circulating around the room.

"—paper avalanche."

They were suddenly aware of a loud, rumbling noise. The movement wall of paper suddenly slowed down as the wind died away. They began to tumble down.

Itachi glanced at the falling mounds of paper.

"Run."

* * *

Several hours later, Zetsu opened the door and walked in. 

"Hello? I'm back from my scouting mission and I've managed to secure some information—"

A massive wave of white material came crashing over him, enveloping him a giant sea of paper.

"_Konan's sick, isn't she_?"

"Looks like it."

Something hard hit Zetsu in the forehead. He grabbed the object, holding it close to his face for examination.

"_Monopoly_?"

* * *

**Author's Note**: Hope you liked it! Please review! 


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